Strategic Communications Tip: Don’t Argue. Listen. Engage.

Here’s a strategic communications tip: don’t argue. Listen and engage.

Our beliefs are often informed by messages we have received over a significant period of time. Our preferences are also influenced by messages shared via the media and pop culture. Additionally, what we believe is often shaped by our family of origin, our culture, and the people with whom we regularly engage.

Disrupting belief systems isn’t always as easy as explaining why a person is wrong. Paradigm shifts are possible, but usually require more than one conversation.

Don’t Argue

For this reason, I believe it is futile to argue with a person in an effort to try to convince them that they are wrong. It is better to acknowledge where a person is, and then pivot.

For instance, if a person believes that voter fraud exists, it makes little sense to spend an exorbitant amount of time trying to convince them that voter fraud is virtually non-existent. It is better to affirm that you too do not want to see voter fraud. Once you affirm their concern, you can move to a place of mutual hearing.

After the acknowledgement, you can pivot and discuss the types of things that contribute to an unfair playing field where voting is concerned. Examples include strict voter ID laws, polling place closures, a lack of polling place resources, an end to policies that make it easier for eligible persons to vote, etc. Once you acknowledge that you don’t want voter fraud, you are able to have a conversation about what voter fraud actually looks like.

Don’t Belabor the Point

But if you argue with the person, you belabor the point. Moreover, when you argue with an adult, they may dig in their heels and do everything in their power to prove you wrong. When people feel they are not being heard, they will spend mental and emotional resources thinking about what they need to say in order to ensure they are heard. This means they are not listening to anything you say. Your best argument will fall flat.

Additionally, when a person feels they are not going to be heard, they may simply shut down. This doesn’t advance your argument nor does it help your cause. Don’t argue. Instead, acknowledge and pivot.

One way to think about this is A.C.T., an acronym coined by the Center for Social Inclusion, now Race Forward. A.C.T. stands for affirm, counter, and transform.

• To affirm is to acknowledge where people are and to hear them.
• To counter is to open an audience’s mind to consider other possibilities.
• To transform is to work to move an audience you are engaging to the middle or at least to a neutral ground. I think of this in the context of media outreach. Sometimes the best outcome from media outreach is neutrality. For instance, one of the reasons we request editorial boards is to secure either a favorable editorial or neutrality from the outlet. Even if the paper doesn’t see the issue the way you see it, if you can move them to a place of neutrality, you’ve accomplished a great deal.

This tool isn’t about allowing mistruths to go unchecked. This is about moving people to a place where you can have a productive conversation. That’s the goal.

I hope this strategic communications tip has been helpful. I’d love to hear your perspective and feedback, so please leave a comment.

Jennifer R. Farmer, aka The PR Whisperer^®, is the principal of Spotlight PR LLC. Be sure to check out other blogs and subscribe for regular communications updates.